More Than a Feeling

Some friends of mine are getting married tomorrow, and they’ve asked me to do the wedding.  I’ve known these two for a long time, since before they first started dating 5 years ago, so I was honored.  I felt like I was being proposed to, and since I have only ever been the proposer and not the proposee, I was giddy with excitement and I said, “YES!”

Over the last few weeks and months, I’ve been thinking and praying and writing and thinking about what to say to them on their wedding day.  Or more specifically, what God would have me say.  I had some cute ideas about how they are ridiculously opposite from each other on the surface but firmly united at their core, and I racked my brain for as many stories as I could think of that might be fit to tell during a wedding message.  (As I said, I’ve known these two for a LONG time…like, since before any of us REALLY started taking the whole ‘following Jesus’ thing seriously.  Enough said.)  And that stuff will be in the message, and it will be cute and funny and probably make some people look at each other with doe-eyes.  But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to deliver message that would be about MORE than just a feeling…I needed to bring the truth.

And that’s when God boomtowned me good, this time with a pile of clothes on top of our bedroom dresser.

You see, this pile of clothes happened to be mine, and it happened to be sitting on top of our wedding album, which happened to be on top of our dresser.  (Let the record show that they happened to have been originally set there temporarily.)  The pile stayed in place long enough for Erin to notice them and make a light-hearted comment filled with regret about the clothes covering up our wedding album.  That’s when I knew exactly what God wanted me to say.

This wedding album is the cherished memento that documents for all-time that perfect day at the beginning of our life together as husband and wife.  Every time we crack it open and look through it, I am flooded with memories and emotions from that day, and I remember the powerful feelings of love and affection and excitement that I felt as I watched Erin walk down the aisle towards me as if it were happening all over again.  That’s why we keep the album out in the open, in a visible place: it’s a great reminder of what we have, and what we’ve promised to be for each other.

But time passes, and feelings tend to change and fade as the unstoppable routine of life begins to force its way upon us.  And if we are not careful and intentional, the little things about every-day life will begin to pile up on top of those things that are TRULY important to us, and we might start to buy into the lie that maybe those things weren’t so real or important after all.  Laundry is one of those unstoppable forces in life, and I had let it pile its way on top of a symbol of what I hold most dear.  God spoke to my heart in that moment, reminding me that the feeling of love IS powerful and real and meaningful, but if it is going to last it has to be coupled with a COMMITMENT to that love by both of us.  And if ours is going to be a marriage that truly lasts “until death do us part,” then I better be intentional about making the choice every single day to make that commitment.

Love is one of the things that the Bible says is eternal.  Yet feelings and emotions are by definition temporary and changing, completely dependent on the circumstances around us, and so love must be so much more.  It turns out that love is both a feeling and a choice; it’s something that happens TO us, but also something that can happen THROUGH us.  How I FEEL is very much out of my control; how I CHOOSE to act is nothing but in my control.  I can choose to cherish my wife every day.  I can choose to let her know that she is the highest priority in my life by turning off the video games and tuning in to spending time with her.  I can choose to apologize after an argument.  I can choose to not be a big baby and whine or complain when she asks me to help around the house. (Or better yet, I can choose to take the initiative to help without being asked!)  And I can choose to be there for her, REALLY BE THERE, in richer or poorer, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, from this day forward.

I need to choose to be better at choosing to do these things.

I did choose to move that pile of clothes off of the wedding album.  (They are now ‘temporarily’ piled on the bed.  I’m sure I will choose to actually put them INSIDE the dresser before bedtime tonight.)   It’s all a choice, and that is how love goes from a temporary feeling to an eternal commitment.  This is the essence of what I will say tomorrow, because this is what I need to hear and learn myself.

God bless your marriage, Adam and Angela!